Restraint

So this may be one of my favorite poems I've wrote, just based on the fact that there's a coherent pattern, a beginning, middle, end, and it makes sense, rather than my other stuff.

And it means a fucking lot. To me. Not you.

"Restraint"

I pick it up
And then put it back down again.
Dial tone dies
And revives like a long lost friend.
I decide not

Because I've been taught
That there are emotions you allow
And there were the emotions I fought
To keep it parallel normalcy.
I don't give it all up to save Pandas in China
Just for the sake of advocacy
Don't sell my house and my car
Because I had a dream you'd be abducted to Mars.

No
My rationale keeps them hidden
Locked away in a safe underground a local Wells Fargo
In order to not cry every hour, I must stow
Them away today.
Birds wings flutter
And as I mutter
"I thought we'd enjoy another stroll along the avenue once more"
Why, I'm on my way once more out the door.

And not a swinging door. It's more revolving.

Because I spend my entire life solving
What isn't right with me.
Or more like
What's wrong and what do I do?
Would I sacrifice myself for my new found religion
Where I walk along streets having philosophical talks with pigeons?

But they fly away.

Or do I spend day by day
Sabotaging each opportunity that appears?
Such as when I'm on a flight home
Nervously eating peanuts that are slightly salted
And the passenger next to me has halted their progress through the magazine
They lean
Ever so close and say
"What's your name? What's your sign? I was born in May."

And I sit and stare out the window
Locked in daydream lust
As I have utmost trust
That the rock I threw into the ocean
Stayed near the shore, battling the tides, just for this one man.
A jilted (or soon to be) lover
Who took fire from opposing sides, and ducked for cover
Instead of firing back and hitting the sack
With arms full of possibilities
Rather than an arm full of feathers and a flock of birds in bad weather
(Alongside the plane I mean)

And on this flight I'll dream
Of that one single occasion
Outside the bus, or train, or taxi cab station
And then I'll laugh.
(Haha)
Actually, I'll be devastated
Like a worm that's hooked, baited, and ultimately fated, and looks to God in awe.

Then I'll be crying into shots of vodka
Finding new ones to shoot the breeze
Oh, they'll be the bees knees as they squeeze
Into stupid dresses
Turn their faces into stupid clown messes
(She doesn't need the make-up)
And make conversation that would amuse a five year old
As I remained bold and stood out in the cold
(Because I remember that's how it was then)

And I'll remember when,
Even amid the rambling on about what she didn't wear tonight,
That time when I heard THAT song and had to fight
(With a choking force)
As words were lacking, I relied on pre-historic Morse
And tapped out the words
"I-M F-I-N-E. G-O A-W-A-Y"
As I tipped a piano and pulled down a tray
(Might have been shish kabobs, or maybe shrimp)
And my mind went limp

I came to...

Holding a phone, with the look of question
Would this be a good time for a long distance resurrection?
Or would we just contrast the pros and the cons?
The nights we stayed up and looked at the dawns
To the nights we stay up and look at the dawns
Alone.