What the Fuck

Sorry for the vulgar title, but I'm going to post an experience I recently had, and it definitely deserves a what the fuck.

Preface: Met up with my friend Alex, whom I was planning on taking to a party out in Berkeley. Going to be a small social event, a little drinking, smoking for those individuals that smoke. Went to his friends house, planning on picking him up.

6 o clock: I get a text message from him: Ey, dude. Can my friend come. She's wanting to party.
I agree and go to her house, where he is located.

6:05 pm: I knock on the door. He opens it up for me, and lets me in. We do the handshake and say what's up. I am then led to the living room, where I find the equivalent to the white Jabba the Hut sitting on a couch, with Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" playing on the tv, but through a computer connection, which means it buffers every couple seconds and sounds like a drunk five year old is trying to dj the song.

6:07: "Hi, my name is Sean!" She says something. I notice that she is smoking weed while on the couch. She takes a deep inhale.

6:08: "DUDE, She's shaking!!!"
My friend says: "Oh, that happens to her a lot. She gets seizures when she smokes."
To myself: You have got to be fucking kidding me. I'm not taking her to the party.

6:15: She wakes up.

6:16: "Man, I don't want her coming with us." " I know, but she's bringing the alcohol you wanted."
FUCK.
6:16.30: "Fine."

6:20: She gets up off the couch.

6:30 She smokes. Seizes. Falls onto the couch. I use the bathroom.

6:45: "Man, we gotta go, the party starts soon." "Aight."

We eventually get into the car by 7:30. I don't know why the fuck it took so god damn long, but it did.

7: 45: Arrive at party

7:50: Enter house

7:51: I enter first. "Heyyyy, what's up everyone! This is my friend Alex (Guy) and Jabba (forgot her real name)"

7:55: Beer pong begins. I clean the table up with their futile attempts at beer pong. The guy sits outside and drinks. Jabba sits on the couch that's already full. Small asian girls look uncomfortable. Five get up from their seats. One unlucky soul stays with her. I pray.

8: 25: By this point, Alex and Jabba have smoked themselves out. They haven't passed out, but they are definitely fucked past point present. My friend Justin recommends going out to the frats. I concur. Justin, Alex, and I with a couple other sketchy people go out.

8:35: "Where the fuck is Jabba? (Fyi I don't call her Jabba, I say her real name.) Oh shit Alex, we fucking lost her! I said I didn't want her fucking coming!" Whatever. We hit up a frat. Meet up with some girls. Dance. Walk around.

9:40: Alex and I head outside. Sit down on a couch that looks like two apes fucked on it and then thought it was prey and destroyed it. Classy fraternity.

9:41: Sketchy Amsterdamian guy: "Hey, any of you want some molly (e)?"
Alex: "Hell yeah!" Alex buys the molly. Snorts it. I sit there, stunned as hell.

9:50: I get up and call Justin, wondering where he's at. Alex gets up and runs down some stairs. I hang up fast and run after him. "Dude, what the fuck are you doing!?"
"I gotta get some smokes!"

9:51: Fuck that, I'm not going to have you AND Jabba get lost. Ask some people around here.

9:52: After a triple faded Alex gets his cigarette, his phone rings. Jabba is on the line, screaming and crying like Jabba the Hut would if he was....I don't want to say anymore. I really hated this person.
Alex: "Where the fuck are you?"
Jabba: "I'm on a street!"

9:56: After screaming and arguing, I say fuck this and let her get lost. It's her fucking fault. Alex agrees. I find Justin, we go back to his apartment.

10:02: Alex comes to me, says she's on Piedmont. "Fine, I'll fucking get her. But you stay here!" He stays.

10:05: On Piedmont, in the middle of a circle. "JABBA! JABBA! Where the fuck are you!"

10:05.55: "OVER HERE!" I run over. Jabba is being held up weakly by a man and woman.

10:06: In Irish accents: "Aww thank you so much! She just wandered into our house and drank some of our Baileys and we tried to help her find her way back. Thank ya vellly much!"
I take her, not saying a word, and bring her back to the apartment.

10:11: To Jabba: "Stay the fuck here, on this patio, on this chair. Got it?"
She moistly agrees. I use moistly because...it's really the most accurate way I can describe the way she nodded. Honest to god.

10:35: After I stop worrying about her, I apologize to the entire party individually, saying that I didn't know this would happen and it won't happen again. I meet a cute girl, name is Jxxxxxxxx and we apparently go to the same---
Door opens
Jabba walks through.

10:37: What the hell do you think you're doing? I told you to stay on the patio!
Mumbled words. She turns back outside.

1038: Spitting game and destroying beer pong.

11:15pm: She stumbles through the doors. I'm on, talking about nothing to everyone, enjoying my time. " ME...WANT...FOOODDDDDDD" She walks to the kitchen area. I turn back around and roll my eyes.

11:20: *CRASH!*

11:20.01: WHAT THE FUCK! Me.

11:20.12: Look at the mess she created, as she dropped a bottle of beer on the floor.

11:20.34: WE'RE FUCKING GOING! NOW! I'M TIRED OF THIS BULLSHIT!

11:24: Myself, Jabba, and Alex leave. Get in my car.

11:44: On the way back, Alex takes out more molly. Takes my cd, lines up the molly on the cd, takes a ten dollar bill, and snorts it. Puts cd back. CD now skips on the track "Boom Boom Pow"
I am pissed.

Epilogue: We all yell at each other on the way back home. I yell at the Jabba because she fucked everything up that she could have fucked that night. Alex is a drug addict that I used to respect. And Alex stole Jabba's drugs. So, basically, it's a carclusterfuck of yelling.

Lesson: I'm really not taking people to parties anymore. Really. Especially giant girls that outweight me and have seizures when they smoke weed, and tell me how underappreciated of an artist Lady Gaga is. I fucking know that already.